Week One has come and gone. But, before we get to the wrap-up, I have to say that I will not be spending another entire season kneeling before the Sparta Warriors. Last year, every single week, it was Sparta this and Sparta that. Not this year… oh no…
Of course, the Sparta Warriors were pretty good in Week One and not only managed to put a whooping on The Outsiders with an 84 – 57 performance, but also managed to rack up the most points in the league to take an early lead in the points race. That tends to happen when your first round pick doesn’t set foot on the field throughout the entire preseason yet somehow still contributes 23 points with a 51-yard TD and 183 yards. I don’t think Randy Moss put that many points on the board all of last year, but it looks like he’s back and that’s a scary thought for anyone on Sparta’s schedule. The Warriors also had nice outings from Steve Smith (17 points) as well as 11 points each from Shaun Alexander and Edge James. Hmm…I’m seeing a trend here. Older players everyone forgot about having decent games. It wasn’t all good news, however, as McNabb looked McCrappy on the field and DJ Hackett was good for a whole 7 receiving yards before leaving with an ankle sprain. On the other side of the field, Eli Manning had a career day with four touchdowns, 300+ yards and only one INT, but it wasn’t enough for The Outsiders as they start the season with a big L.
The Fresno Fornicators took care of the Cincinnati Convicts 74 – 43 to take an early lead in the NFC. With the exception of Colston and Mark Clayton, who didn’t even manage to catch a pass on MNF, everyone had decent, single-digit days. Heading into Sunday Night Football, though, it looked like the Convicts might take this one because the only Fornicator to break out with a big game was on their bench as Ahman Green got the start over Adrian Peterson and his 21 points. Luckily, Plaxico Burress pulled a Randy Moss for Fresno with three touchdowns, 8 receptions and 144 yards. Those 31 points secure the win for Fresno while the Convicts have already placed Manning and Tony Homo on the cell block. Yikes…
The South Dennis Whateverthehells doubled Detroit 56 – 24. They should be sure to tithe something to Reggie Wayne as he was over 40% of their offense with two touchdowns, seven receptions and 100+ yards. Portis came out of the gate surprisingly strong with a TD and just under 100 yards, but there were a ton of doughnuts in South Dennis. For Detroit, first round pick TJ Housh led the team with a TD for 6 points, but it was definitely a rough start for Russ as he won the #1 waiver wire pick this week.
The Fighting Wookies have to be at least a little pissed that they passed on T.O. with the number one pick and had to watch him light it up for the Tusken Raiders, who took the game 47 – 39. T.O. looked lost in the first half of Sunday Night Football, but finished strong with two touchdowns and 87 yards on his way to a 21 point season debut. For the Wookies, #1 pick Lawrence Maroney was two yards shy of contributing three points to the cause, but no luck.
The Afghani Gravediggers came out strong winning a close one against the Melbourne Slobberknockers, 53 – 45. Tom Brady earned his first round status with a 19 point, three touchdown, 297 yard performance as the Pats beat up on the Jets. Antonio Gates proved keeper-worthy with a big 107 yard day, 9 receptions and a touchdown. Meanwhile, this was a tough loss for Melbourne as they looked decent overall, but other than Laverneous Coles and the Pats’ D, no one stepped up and hit double-digits.
Finally, Shitsville and the Tenacious D combined didn’t score as many points as Sparta or Fresno, but I guess someone had to win this one, so way to go Shitsville! L.T. worked hard for the Asses of Fire, rushing for a touchdown, passing for a touchdown and barely topping 75 yards for that 3 point bonus. Santonio Holmes chipped in with 12 points of keeper love thanks to a 40 yard touchdown. For the D, it was Andre Johnson’s 19 points, Barber’s 9 points and a bunch of nothing. Or, in Drew Brees’ case, 4 points less than nothing. May you enjoy week two a little more…
Week Two has a couple of good match-ups including Fresno (1-0) and South Dennis (1-0) fighting to hold onto a share of first in the NFC while the Sparta Warriors (1-0) and the Afghani Gravediggers (1-0) do the same in the AFC. Good luck in Week Two, guys!
